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When you鈥檙e raising a child, you鈥檙e conducting a project balanced on the tension between the world that you inhabit and a better, as-yet imagined world. 

That tension is personal: parents and caregivers come to the job with the hang-ups we鈥檝e amassed since childhood. We鈥檙e famously prone to imposing some version of those onto our own kids 鈥� however hard we try to free them. 

The tension is also social and cultural 鈥� even political. We鈥檙e all trying to teach our kids to stand up for themselves in the tough, pushy, sometimes violent world out there even as we coach them toward leaning vulnerably into grace, compassion, sharing and forgiveness. And a lot of it involves hiding uglier truths about the world from them. But even that only works for so long, because they鈥檒l eventually outgrow our abilities to deceive and distract 鈥� and nothing builds resentment in adulthood like realizing how much you were lied to in childhood. 

This is beautiful, impossible work. We鈥檙e all messing up all the time, no matter how hard we push and strive 鈥� and no matter how much we try to let go and back off. 

Parenting is even harder in moments of public fear and stress. As a father of two, I spent much of Donald Trump鈥檚 first term wrestling to guard my children鈥檚 faith in virtues like patience, kindness, honesty, personal integrity and responsibility. I tried to coach them into believing in the power of peaceful, democratic institutions that represent the will of the public. I tried, in other words, to swim upstream against the prevailing Trumpist political currents. 

Now I鈥檓 a father of three. I鈥檓 dreading the implications of his second term 鈥� for my kids, for the work of raising them, for our schools and for our democracy. It鈥檚 a much more difficult project this time. How can families teach our children to believe in a better, kinder, fairer world 鈥� when they see glory, honor and power repeatedly rendered to a man like this? Can advocates for better educational opportunities for all children build a safer, kinder country with Trump unavoidably at its helm?

It鈥檚 hard to imagine. His return has launched a genuinely bleak era driven by a movement that targets and marginalizes people 鈥� 鈥� to gain power, whether they鈥檙e immigrants or transgender kids who just want to use the bathroom in peace. This is a nightmare for parents trying to raise their kids to be fundamentally polite, to stand up for the weak among us, to choose grace over scorn and peace over violence. 

If you think this is overwrought, please remember that Trump鈥檚 first arrival in office a national spike in behavior at schools. We鈥檙e seeing this time . That鈥檚 not an accident. Trump is persistently, constantly a bully, one who reserves , and   any woman who with the slightest .

This is incessant intimidation that any middle schooler would recognize, that any parent would hate to see imposed on their kid. It鈥檚 sexism that any young girl would instantly view as infuriating and behavior that any decent parent or caregiver would find unacceptable in their son.

What鈥檚 more, Trump is cynically nihilistic. That鈥檚 why many of the president-elect鈥檚 colleagues . He has been caught and never admits his deceit, even when hurt other people. This year, Trump baselessly accused Haitian immigrants in Ohio of stealing and eating pets: innocent people 鈥� immigrants and native-born Americans alike 鈥� , some closing . Note: immigrants community members than native-born Americans.

Trump鈥檚 responses to the pandemic were probably his most consequential distortions. He and insisted that the pandemic was under control and easily manageable. He promoted and , unscientific 鈥渢reatments鈥� 鈥� . People because believed . 

Any family would recognize a kid with Trump鈥檚 penchant for selfish betrayal and willful deceit as a terrible friend or classmate. No family would want an adult who treated people so carelessly in charge of their child鈥檚 safety or well-being. 

, Trump鈥檚 is . He routinely muses about using force against political opponents, journalists, and protestors. Not coincidentally, in an October 2024 poll, were sure that there would be a peaceful transfer of power after the election, what was once an unshakeable tenet of our democracy.

Even if you鈥檙e confident that you can set a strong enough example for kids to be a bulwark against this behavior, that still won鈥檛 solve for the most substantive issue: Trumpist politics have consistently failed to address the very real problems that the U.S. faces 鈥� including and particularly the ones preoccupying U.S. young adults. 

For instance, while a 2023 poll showed that American kids are , Trump and his party are pushing to , , , and close the Department of Education. None of these are real solutions. 

Families in my community tell me they鈥檙e struggling to explain the present state of American democracy to their children. One says their middle schooler keeps bringing them media articles where Trump supporters express surprise that their preferred candidate absolutely plans to follow through on his campaign promises around , , and . 鈥淲hy did they vote for him then?鈥� they say their kid asks. 鈥淲hat did they think would happen?鈥� 

Trump has put families in a terrible situation. It鈥檚 hard to explain why men who violently assaulted law enforcement en route to desecrating the U.S. Capitol are touted as heroes and . It鈥檚 hard to look at all the violent, undemocratic vengeance Trump has promised and insist to kids that nonviolent politics is core to our democracy. 

See, kids are relatively sophisticated risk detectors 鈥� they know real dangers from partisan hysteria. That鈥檚 why it鈥檚 particularly difficult to tell them to be patient now and to trust in the democratic process, to believe that the adults will get their acts together and work on real problems. It鈥檚 hard to believe that the system will self-correct after you鈥檝e spent another math period under your desk because there鈥檚 another active shooter in the neighborhood, or even worse 鈥� , as just happened again last week in Madison, Wisconsin. 

Nonetheless, the vast majority of families in my social orbit are grimly hoping they can perhaps pretend the situation away. They鈥檙e hoping that Trump won鈥檛 be who he鈥檚 been for the past decade, that he鈥檒l step up instead and act like a prudent statesman that they can safely ignore. Most are planning to actively distract their kids from American public discourse, to try to keep them from internalizing the next four years as 鈥渘ormal.鈥� 

A lot of education reformers sound similar notes. They鈥檇 like to set all this aside and just get on with their lives and careers and work with Trump to overhaul the federal role in education or expand school choice or somesuch. They鈥檇 like to pretend like Trump鈥檚 behavior can be tolerated or ignored. 

I guess I hope they鈥檙e right. But I think we all know they aren鈥檛 鈥� and so do the kids. 

The views expressed here are the author鈥檚 alone and not those of any organization with which he is affiliated.

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