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Rachael Katz and Helen Shwe Hadani  are excellent companions for mothers, fathers and caregivers of young children. Their views on parenting derive from their own families, as well as extensive reading into the science of brain development. They provide well-researched but thoroughly accessible tips and insights for 鈥渟eeing your child鈥檚 actions through the lens of their development, and pausing to respond to their needs intentionally versus impulsively.鈥� That pause is one of the hardest habits to cultivate, but it can make a world of difference.

Katz, former head of the Discovery School at the Bay Area Discovery Museum, and Hadani, a Brookings Institution Fellow, are encouraging and forgiving coaches, telling readers, 鈥淕uiding your child鈥檚 development requires an endless amount of patience and kindness, especially toward yourself. But it also requires knowledge about how children develop to understand what shapes their thoughts, behaviors and actions.鈥�

Consider their perspectives on sharing, lying and remembering emotions.

We all agree that sharing makes for a harmonious playground and a more peaceful world, and we fully expect our offspring to let their friends take a turn with the Barbie鈥攂ut then we hear they鈥檙e refusing to let anyone near the doll. Where did we go wrong? 鈥淪haring involves the ability to take another鈥檚 perspective,鈥� the authors remind confused, frustrated parents. Their developing minds have caught onto the intoxicating concept of ownership, and now they鈥檙e expected to willingly surrender property without a struggle? Putting ourselves in our kids鈥� tiny shoes will help them get better at this essential skill.

鈥淒id you brush your teeth?鈥�

鈥渊别蝉.鈥�

鈥凌别补濒濒测?鈥�

鈥渊别蝉!鈥�

鈥淩eally really?鈥�

鈥淥ops, I think I forgot something in the bathroom.鈥�

Of course, lying is a behavior we want to discourage in children, but Katz and Hadani point out that deception actually demonstrates a leap forward in brain development, requiring 鈥渁n understanding that other people have different beliefs and that those beliefs may not reflect reality.鈥� This discovery sets their little minds on fire, so it鈥檚 natural that they鈥檇 want to try it out a couple of times.

By around age 5, the authors say, children are capable of re-experiencing emotions from a memory. Not only can they summon feelings of jealousy around actions that took place a few days ago, but they also learn to hide those feelings鈥攚hether to manipulate others or to fit in socially. Calling attention to these newly acquired strategies can lead to uncomfortable conversations and even conflict, but Katz and Hadani encourage parents to 鈥渆xplicitly teach your child about the developmental phase they are in, model it and offer suggestions for how to enhance it in a fun and playful way.鈥� As the authors emphasize, timing is everything. It may not be productive to lecture them about brain development at the moment you catch your toddler in a lie or an act of aggression, but fascinating and helpful dialogues can take place later, during bath time.

Through words, pictures and stories, the authors maintain, children and their adults gradually gain fuller and more nuanced views of the world around them and between their ears. Parenting involves intentional and incidental steps to foster the vocabulary to recognize and name emotions, to picture them and render them on the page, and to understand and dream up stories where emotions show up and affects the chain of events.

Nobody said parenting would be easy. It demands patience, a sense of humor and self-awareness. The hardest parts are allowing ourselves to be vulnerable (鈥淐hildren love to learn that their parents have struggles similar to their own鈥�) and admitting that children and adults alike have the potential to be selfish jerks sometimes.

On the long and ever-expanding shelf of parenting books, deserves a prominent spot alongside Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish鈥檚  and Thomas Lickona鈥檚 . Katz and Hadani join these authors in the conviction that becoming empathetic parents and caregivers is the key to bringing up the humans we want running our world in the future. Stories and infographics make it a book for sharing, perhaps with a trusted group of parents going through the same challenges as you.

This story originally published on Early Learning Nation and is now archived on 蜜桃影视. Learn more here.