蜜桃影视

As founder of the groundbreaking Roots of Empathy program and author of the bestselling book by the same name, Mary Gordon 鈥� educator, social entrepreneur and parenting expert 鈥� has spent much of her adult life advocating for empathy as the quality most integral to solving conflict: the best 鈥減eace pill鈥� the world has ever known.

One might think a life鈥檚 work focused on ending humans鈥� inhumanity to other humans arose out of a place of sweetness and light, born of loving kindness. But no.

鈥淚t was born out of rage,鈥� Gordon says. 鈥淚t was born because I swore and cried from frustration at the generational violence I was encountering.鈥�

Prior to the time of this pound-the-steering-wheel moment, Gordon had been working as a kindergarten teacher in Toronto. In that role, she saw firsthand high levels of domestic violence and child abuse, and knew intimately the damage already done to children before they even got to kindergarten.

Children came into her classroom 鈥渨earing their wounds in their behavior,鈥� she says. Learning was hard for them, as was simply getting along with their classmates. From the day they were born, these children were swimming upstream, and the idea that a child鈥檚 circumstances at birth would determine their destiny was an idea she found 鈥渧icious and unfair.鈥�

In working to address the violence, she realized that the common thread in all that suffering, the common denominator of violence, aggression and cruelty of all kinds, is the absence of empathy. Her first social innovation (1996) was to start Canada鈥檚 first Parenting Centers in schools, which later became public policy, to coach young parents in what babies and young children needed.

One day, she visited the illegal boarding house where one of her young moms lived. The young woman came to the door with her face bruised, her eyebrow gashed where her boyfriend had punched her glasses into her eye and her new little baby girl in her arms. Another little girl, a toddler, clung to her mother鈥檚 leg.

鈥淚 felt such despair when I saw that and cried from frustration all the way home, knowing that these little girls and this young woman deserved so much more. But her mother had been abused 鈥� and we know that story, right? I decided on the way home, 鈥極K, I鈥檓 going to break this intergenerational cycle and bring the attachment relationship to school so those two little girls and every other little person who goes to school will have an opportunity to see one version of love.鈥欌��

鈥淭here鈥檚 no one right way to be a parent, but children know when they鈥檙e in the presence of love,鈥� Gordon says. 鈥淚 wanted to put another track down in children鈥檚 brains of what was possible.鈥�

Gordon describes the attachment relationship 鈥� the child鈥檚 first deep connection to a significant, reliable person 鈥� as the 鈥渟ecret sauce鈥� in being able to create a more caring, empathetic world. The roots of empathy, the realization of human potential 鈥� all that we wish for in the world 鈥� are in this first relationship, she writes in 鈥�.鈥�

In these times especially, Gordon says, there is a yearning for empathy because our common humanity is the connection we need most during fraught times. It can鈥檛 be taught, but neuroscience tells us empathy can be caught.

鈥淲hen you are immersed in an experience where mirror neurons can be at play and you can see, feel, hear, maybe even touch a demonstration of empathy or kindness, you have the capacity to develop that same empathy in your own brain,鈥� Gordon says. She set about developing a novel way to expose children to the contagion of empathy and turned to humanity鈥檚 best little professors in graduate-level openheartedness: babies.

At the heart of the program, designed for children from kindergarten age to high school age, and its younger sibling, , for 3- to 5-year-olds in early learning settings, is a baby. Babies love without borders or definitions, Gordon says, and they respond intuitively to love, which makes them perfect transmitters of empathy.

Here鈥檚 how it works. The 2- to 4-month-old infant and parent, chosen from the community, visit the classroom every three weeks over a school year along with a Roots of Empathy instructor who coaches the children to observe the baby鈥檚 development and identify the baby鈥檚 feelings. The vulnerable baby is the 鈥渢eacher鈥� (and wears a little tee shirt that says so), the parent is the 鈥渆xpert,鈥� the ROE instructor is the coach and the children are the 鈥渃hangers,鈥� learning the vocabulary of feelings and developing the capacity to recognize them in themselves and others.

Children who participate in the Roots of Empathy program sometimes are seeing a loving parent-child relationship for the first time, says Mary Gordon, the program鈥檚 founder. She tells of one boy who had been in foster care for years and more group homes than he could count, after having seen his mother murdered in front of him when he was 4.

He was in eighth grade, trying hard to appear aloof and unaffected, cultivating as much of a dangerous look as he could manage, with a shaved head, a ponytail on top and a tattoo at the base of his skull.

鈥淚f you don鈥檛 have a word for something,鈥� Gordon says, 鈥測ou can鈥檛 think of it. We give the children a language for their feelings and also real, relaxed, supportive opportunities over a whole school year to relate to the feelings of the baby, to anchor that awareness in themselves. And we have a dialogue over the whole year about recognizing those feelings in their friends.鈥�

The babies are chosen not by the education level of the mothers or by socioeconomics, but through a home visit to orient the parent to the program and to make sure that the parent and child manifest a secure attachment. For some children in the program, this is the first such parent-child bond they鈥檝e ever encountered.

The program鈥檚 core includes neuroscience, in which the children learn that love grows brains. Rather than being told this, the children can see for themselves how the baby lights up at the parent鈥檚 empathic, nurturing interactions with the infant. Another element at the core is the children鈥檚 exploration of the baby鈥檚 temperament. As they move from observing the baby鈥檚 temperament to a discussion of their own, they begin to understand that their classmates and even their parents will have different emotional reactions to situations.

鈥淚t鈥檚 sad to me, but teachers don鈥檛 really know this work about temperament,鈥� Gordon says. 鈥淥ne of the workshops I give most around the world is on temperaments, explaining to teachers that not all of the little people in their class can sit at a desk for an hour at a time, and if you understand where they鈥檙e coming from, you can help them get with the game.鈥�

Central to Roots of Empathy is the development of a vocabulary for feelings, so that the children learn to use art, music, storytelling or other means to communicate, 鈥淚 feel sad鈥� or 鈥淚 feel so angry,鈥� rather than striking out or hiding away. The children learn the principle of authentic communication, meaning that the adults in the program honestly reveal their feelings and don鈥檛 ask questions to which they already know the answers.

鈥淥ur instructors don鈥檛 judge or say, 鈥楪ood answer, Johnny.鈥� And they never ask the child whose hand shoots up first to share 鈥� they wait for the seventh person,鈥� she says. 鈥淲e aren鈥檛 rewarding being able to quickly get your brain and mouth in gear. We want children to genuinely have something to say when they put up their hand and not answer to get an adult to acknowledge them. We want them to consider what they鈥檙e saying and then acknowledge themselves.鈥�

Roots of Empathy is grounded in social inclusion, recognizing that every human has a deep need to be heard, seen and to belong. The program creates an environment where everyone has a voice, where children break down barriers and where the classrooms become a microcosm of democracy and collaboration.

鈥淲hat we have seen all over the world where we have offered our programs is a reduction in aggression, violence and bullying,鈥� Gordon says. 鈥淲e have rock solid international research that supports that and tons of anecdotal evidence.鈥� The Roots of Empathy classroom is creating children with empathic ethics and a sense of responsibility to each other, she says 鈥� citizens of the world.

Roots of Empathy began with a pilot in Toronto, Ontario, in 1996, and has expanded to every province in Canada and 13 other countries, and is delivered in seven languages. In Canada, it is funded under the umbrella of mental health, social and emotional learning or bullying prevention. In Canada and in New Zealand, the program is doing deep work with indigenous people, trying to undo some of the damage done by decades of colonization and neglect. Throughout the world, funding comes from various sources 鈥� foundations, philanthropists and government entities. Funding in the U.S. is a challenge, she says, as is finding families with sufficient family leave time to be able to bring their babies into the program.

鈥淚t’s not so hard, really, to develop empathy in children,鈥� she says. 鈥淚t’s not so hard to eliminate cruelty of all kinds, which includes violence and bullying. It’s not hard. We’ve done it. What is hard, is to get the commitment that you care about that.鈥�

This story originally published on Early Learning Nation and is now archived on 蜜桃影视. Learn more here.